I am NOT good at stealth. But I like to keep an open mind. I like to be optimistic. I also like to be cheap, so I spent a few days in search of the cheapest way to play Dishonored 2. I eventually landed on an Xbox One copy for $15 from Game Fly.
I feel no shame in telling you that I started the game on Easy mode. I don't care. I'm not good at stealth. I'm not good at Dishonored. I'm not good at "immersive sims." So I don't care. I just want to give this thing a fair chance and spend enough time with it to either see what it is that I'm missing so that I can form a solid opinion from first hand experience, or become a converted fan. My money is riding on the former.
So now I'm Corvo's daughter. Which is cool. I like when games have the balls to mix things up like that. The game starts with you locked up. Of course there are open windows so it's not exactly high security. I make my way downstairs, peep out the bad guy target. I have the option to kill him, hurt him or sneak by him. I'm not good at stealth, though remember? So first he sees me and his guards kill me. So I try again. I hide behind something for a while and then he sees me so I kill him and then his guards. I make my way outside.
My next goal is to make it to a boat. So I try my best to take things slow. I'm creeping as best I can on rooftops and high up stuff so guards won't notice me as I go down the street. But nope, I get spotted. So I have to take out more guards. I'm too crap with the swords so I just start shooting dudes in the face. Three in one building. Then a couple more in the middle of the road. I realize I'm out of bullets so I just start hauling ass as fast as I can. I run until I see water and make a jump towards the boat. I swim out there - staying under water so guards don't try to snipe me. I climb up the side of the boat and trigger a cut-scene ending the chapter.
Well, that wasn't so bad. If the rest of the chapters are this condensed then I could possibly really enjoy this. But I doubt it. I'll plan to give it at least a week before trading this game in.
For a moment there I was almost feeling excited about this game. Like "hey! Maybe I CAN enjoy an immersive sim!" But that feeling seemingly washed away in a moment.
I start up the next chapter and it's that same thing from the first game - a weird otherplace with a watcher being giving me gnarly powers. The powers are fine. Well, I mean the heart thing was always kind of tedious to me. But the thing that lets me jump great heights? I love that thing. That was definitely the fun part of the first game for me. So okay, maybe I can have fun with it again for a while.
Next I'm waking up in that big boat I had escaped to. I stumble around the ship for a while and burst through a door and - wait! Who's that! Oh... I just killed the woman who gives me missions. Game over, then. I'm just too jumpy. I feel like games like this where I get anxious because of the stealth stuff, it means I end up with an itchy trigger finger. Alright, so apparently this boat is the new central hub then. I see.
Alright then. We get on a little boat and she brings me over to land to start a mission. Just like in the first game. The city looks just like the first game as well. I start walking toward the right and am told that it's a dangerous area because there's some like... wall... thing. I think it's some kind of surveillance system that I have to take out or get around or whatever. I didn't really read the explanation, I just turned and went the other way instead.
I meet a woman who says she can help me get to where I need to go but I'll need to do her a favor. She wants me to go sneak into a certain building and find a corpse and bring it back to her. Sigh. Basically, this early in the game she's asking me to do the exact kind of crap that I hate doing in these games. She's basically reminding me WHY I hate these games. I don't want to sneak into a building. I don't want to sneak back carrying a corpse that's basically a sign that says "Hey! Look at me! I'm bad at stealth!"
I quit the game. Xbox says I've played one hour of Dishonored 2. One hour.
It took seven seasons but we finally got to see who the "slutty pumpkin" was at that Halloween party. And it was Katie Holmes! That was a great surprise. I've been a fan of hers since I was in high school. Actually, she and Sarah Michelle Gellar were my two big high school crushes. Anyway, it was a fun little cameo.
To put it another way: every night this week I've considered actually firing up Dishonored 2 and giving it another chance, but doing so is just so unappealing to me. I'm actually dreading it. It's possible that I'd be more open to really trying if it weren't so recently that I played the first game. It's as if the wounds are too fresh. I know that this is more of the same, and I'm just not interested in more of the same.
So instead I've been watching old episodes of How I Met Your Mother. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sell this damn game.