super mario galaxy

For as long as I can remember, I've been saying that I'm not really a fan of 3D platformers. And for just that long I've been saying that as much as I love 2D Mario games, I can't really get into the 3D ones. But here's the thing - Mario's the king of platformers. And some of those 3D games are really highly praised. So I can't help but wonder sometimes if I'm missing out on something. Ugh, my FOMO is so bad sometimes. 

Speaking of FOMO, last year I bought that stupid Mario 3D All-Stars thing (I actually pre-ordered it) because I'm a total sucker. I mean, I don't like 3D Mario games, but I bought three of them for $50 because, why? 

I revisited Super Mario 64 last year and found out that it was actually better than I gave it credit for. But I still gave up pretty quickly because I hate collecting stars by replaying levels. It feels like it's forcing you to drag out the game, rather than just play through each level like in a 2D Mario game. I also revisited Super Mario Sunshine, only to find that it has aged horribly. In fairness, I've heard that a patch has fixed the inverted controls issue I had. But still, I don't know that that would really fix the game for me.

The third game in the collection is Mario Galaxy - one I've never played. My friend Mike has told me numerous times that it's his favorite Mario game. People rave about it - fans and critics alike. Heck, I think it's the highest rated Wii game on Metacritic. So...

...here we are...

After an hour or so, I think I completely hate this game. Like. I think I hate it so much and for several reasons. I think I hate it beyond repair. As much as I might fear missing out on something... I can't help but think that there's no way I could stick with this one and actually enjoy it.

Now, real quick, let me say that the port to Switch is impressive. The way that the motion controls have been ported over is good stuff, and it works. But the game itself? Ugh. I think I loath it.

I'm sure you, reader (as if anyone reads this) have played Mario Galaxy, but just in case... you play on these little spherical planets. And gravity is weird, but real. So like sometimes you're playing and it feels like a normal 3D game, until you walk around the planet and you're upside down or whatever. It's extremely rare for a game to give me motion sickness (outside of VR) but this game made me feel sick fast. I've tried to play it multiple times now and every time my brain goes wonky and my stomach feels off. I just can't seem to play this game and feel okay. 

So that's a deal-breaker.

Beyond that, I tried to push through in little spurts just in case this really is the best Mario game ever, but man... I beat the first real boss only to find that - guess what? I have to play through that same level again like two more times for stars to unlock the next level? Maybe I'm missing something but I don't think so. 

I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry, Metacritic. Super Mario Galaxy is just not a game for me.